Sunday, January 27, 2013

Battle emotion :)

Entry kali ini nak meluahkan rasa gundah gulana berkecamuk cak pong cak pong di hati ni. Susah nak luah dlm kata-kata ni takut nanti disalah ertikan. Tapi setiap kali usha Intagram makin menjadi-jadi kerunsingan.
I ni dari dulu lagi ada krisis dalam mengharungi hidupan sosial, mungkin berpunca dari pengalaman lama so i susah sikit nak percaya seseorg. Tak kisah la kawan yg i baru nak kawan, kawan En.Husband or kawan sendiri. Selalu je i ade negative thought unless my truly friends. Nak kata i tade kawan bohong lah i kenal ramai juga, but yg betul-betul i trust 100% only few i gurantee.

Since MMU i rasa i mula nak memencil diri, i prefer utk hang out dgn org yg i percaya dan comfortable. Which is i believe will never ever cheated on me or stabbed behind my back. I taboleh tahan org yg cakap pusing-pusing and not straight forward. I mmg tafaham dlm bab-bab kiasan ni, betul! i boleh dikategorikan org yg agak lembab dlm nak tangkap kalau org berkias-kias so i need friend yg cakap terus terang but and the same time in polite way. Bukan la bersopan-santun tp jangan mencemuh atau menyakitkan hati individual. I tacakap i pandai sgt berkata-kata but at least i will try my best to talk in the good way. Kalau rasa taboleh tahan i senyum dan blah saje.

But what i realized about myself, people easily to talk about their personal thing without me asking. I meant mcm hari ini i jumpa satu kawan baru *I consider kawan if at first time i rasa acceptable to get going and the second day they might telling me hot gossip or maybe hal-hal rumah tangga mereka. I was like ok im listening but perlu ke? Am i good enough to be trusted? But no worries darling i wont tell people accept my En.Husband lah kan. tapi.... pelik muka i macam ada cop "please-tell-me-someting-personal-about-urself? Im-so-interested-to-know" signed ke?

Now berbalik pada perenggan pertama, kenapa i runsing sgt sampai cak pong cak pong, sebab all my bff are planning to get married *errr maybe or they will getting married some day kan? And i was like, can i stand to be with them until the end of their ceremony, Surrounding with other friends of them? I meant obviously all my bff ada kawan-kawan lain yg close to them rite? doesnt mean I am the only friend that they had in their life kan. How can i manage to minggle with them? Arghh runsing.

Padahal sorang pun bff i tade partner lagi i pulak fikir sampai nak mampus. over betul.